Painter or Illustrator

I am both. I cannot see the delineation. A love for humor and film has always captivated me – and I have traced this back to my youth, when I would draw comic books in my closet. I came up with a super hero named ‘Diamond Head’ about that time ( no idea there was a band called this), which later became a zine, which I forgot the name of.

What I am trying to do is justify all the time spent not rendering from life, but creating logos, cartoons and ideas. I LOVE painting, and get lost in it – but recently I have been turned off by painters. Last year – I had falling out with two close friends, both of which I developed relationships with based on my art. Both individuals turned out to be judgmental assholes, with little to give other than sordid attention laden with self adulation and fear. It turned me off to creating anything ‘fine art’ and I reverted to ‘Kiche’. The dormant flow of energy that propels my desire to create in OIL will be relived once my studio is moved. I am between galleries, and have as much talent as an ant, in my mind. I have chosen to become a non artist, a non entity for this short amount of time. I will work on craft and develop ideas, but the market is something I am not interested in at this moment. Money and adulation has come and gone, and what I am left with is a desire to create for the essence of life is fabricating the new. I see the old in my past cronies, I see the doubt, fear and pain of losing parents, losing money, traveling alone.

We are all alone. As an avid meditator I see this clearly. Listen to the heart and follow the song sung by its tonal vibration. This led me to be a musician, painter and a fool. Spielman in it’s literal terms.