I have been working on this self portrait a while – pushing the tones and edges to where I feel they need to be. My illustration is starting to diminish, augmented by a naturalism. I am starting to see punchy colors as garish and amateur again. I don’t enjoy laziness in my work – and in the past fallen short of immaculate outcome due to a gallery demand, and a system. At this stage, I have no gallery, no agent or a collective, no system. I work in a void – with very little influence or communication from others. My extended family does not see what I do as a lifestyle, but more as a hobby that warrants a certain talent or patience. This is not a given. As some are born with it, others have to work daily to maintain an edge. I am the later, as I was not born with a gift. I was born sensitive, and restless. I was born into chaos and have been since trying to find order and a system to make sense of this life. My father sold cars for a living. My mother is in health care. I have never had a 9-5. The people who use to influence me are competitive and narcissistic in their communication. I do not like to talk about my work with novices, unless I am getting paid. This is a dilemma – as I have no ‘art friends’ to bounce off of. I do not ‘talk shop’ with other painters. I reach out, but cannot seem to get the invite to the big game, the social get together or other acts of camaraderie. If you are reading this and want to talk about my work – please email me – I would be glad to discuss. Gavinart@aol.com
I am alone with my art and feel the need to reach out and find others of a like mind – and not through Facebook or social networking.
I feel a bit like Van Gogh this day – as he too was hard to communicate with, had very strong opinions and was a loner, like myself. Dedication to this field, with my mind filled with psychobabble from youth, EST, mediums, self help and the like – all added to this doubt in my chosen craft and insight into trod ding on blindly. Blind faith is what I have, and seems to work – for I do sell work, teach and have a wonderful home life. My social life is lacking, and I wind up the lead singer in the band, hated by all. I am not a wallflower, so please ask me questions I can answer – and I will tell you more than needed.